Saturday, July 31, 2010

07/31/10

They say in just a moment your life could be altered forever.

I've gone over every instance in my life, every gradual change, every crucial metamorphosis and the only thing I’ve come to realize is that it is far more difficult to differentiate this moment than I ever imagined. It blends in with pink panthers, within the fine creases in life, hiding behind emotions at times best left untouched, or emotions we never knew where there. These moments are secreted within memories we glazed with sugar over the years so as not to remember how they felt when they were imminent. Or within changes so subtle, they threaten to not be there at all.

They say in just a moment your life could be altered forever. But can you really ever isolate this moment, put your finger on it and say, “This is when everything changed”?

Was it last Monday that it all shifted or did this happen years ago? Are we aware of this moment when it is happening or is it one we could only detect in hindsight? Is it the silent moments that crawl past slowly like the short hand on a clock, transforming us over days, months and years? Or is it the ear-splitting moments that shake us to our very core, so that we’ve become different in the span of a blinking second?

Is it the moments we can see coming in the distance, days anticipated, marked in red on calendars? The crucial moments spiked with mixed emotions, smiles that paralyze us with fear and excitement? Tomorrows we are sure will be different from the day before, because we are groomed for them. Because we are warned of their tendency to touch us so deep that we can watch our faces morph in the mirror. Or is it the abrupt moments that creep up on us when we are least expecting, that change us thoroughly? Tragedies that show up on our doorstep in the dead of night? Phone calls we receive when we are shopping for clothing that tell us everything will be wonderfully different.

Is it the sad moments? The ones we so long to discard but hang on to for the fear that if we were to let them go we would lose a part of ourselves? Or is it the happy ones? The can’t-eat-can’t sleep-heart-throbbing-adrenaline-pumping moments of utter ecstasy?

The question has to be: Is it just one moment that changes us irrevocably or a collection of moments we’ve accumulated over the years that tell us who we are and who we are destined to become?

37 comments:

Anonymous said...

I say it is the moment you recognize the change: The moment you become aware of it, and choose to accept it.

mekubal said...

Yes you can point to a specific moment, at times. However they are usually fairly cataclysmic events.

Here are a couple from my own life for example:
1) The day I met a certain Habad Shliach.

2) The day I met Rav Kaduri ZTz"L

3) The day I found out about my first wife's infidelity.

4) The day my father died.

5) The day I announced that I was moving to Israel to learn Torah full time, and my mother disowned me for it.(Its been 4 years and 2.5 grandchildren and she still won't return my calls or emails).

6) The day we had our first child.

Those were all moments in my life where who I was was fundamentally changed. Each of those experiences were so absolutely dramatic in how they altered the course of my life and my perception of the world around me.

I personally think that everyone will experience one at some point in their lives, as some of them are natural life events, some incredibly joyful, some incredibly sad.

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