Monday, March 5, 2012

The Boss of Me

"What is the name of the account holder’s first childhood friend?’ inquired the Sprint customer care representative, assisting me on a case of unlimited texting. How Nochum came to acquire the noble position of account holder, I'm not exactly sure, but in any event, he did.

I took a moment to recall the crowd Nochum ran in back in the day. Easy. I was there.  

“Jonathon,” I offered.



Also not true.

“Is it me?” I asked, hopeful.

“Possibly. Who are you?” she asked.


“Oh, then no.” 

I went on to name all the kids he went to preschool and elementary school with. None of which unlocked the account. After my sixth or seventh try it had become evident that I did not know the account holder’s first childhood friend and likely that I did not know the account holder at all. 

Puzzled, I called Nochum. “Who was your childhood best friend?” I asked.


“You know why.”

I could practically hear him smile over the phone. Oh, the quality of our Sprint service. 

"Ah, you want the answer to the secret question..." 


There was a short pause as he debated whether I was worthy to be granted permissions to enter the sacred Sprint account. 

"Fine," he said.

"Shmuel Munkis."

He said it matter of fact, like perhaps I should have known. Of course I should have. This had Nochum written all over it. He has that subtle kind of humor that makes you wonder if he's trying to be funny or actually is. It was also obnoxious. But I had to commend him for his genius. He made complete fools out of every one of us, including my parents who listed about ten different nicknames for Jonathon. Jonny, Jon-Jon, Jono were all tried, in desperate attempt to break the code. But Nochum was always one step ahead and now find it nearly impossible to answer the secret question without giggling, which in turn means I can’t add more ‘’amenities” to my plan. Was this the idea all along? Possibly. I believe Nochum to be the secret family mastermind. For all I know he pays my tuition, runs the Jewish Discovery Center, wires us weekly allowances and collects our airline miles all from his dorm room in 1414. 

Thanks bro. You're all kinds of hilarious, smart and ridiculously good looking....

Ps. Can I get unlimited texting?